anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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