Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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