we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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