My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Everyone says I win the strip club
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
