I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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