another moral hangover. fuck.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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