beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
