I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
