"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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