Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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