my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
