I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
