his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
