I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
