and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
where are my eyebrows?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
