When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
