If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
