kristin has been a bad kristin
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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