We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
