I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm always down for nudity.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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