just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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