Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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