someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
