i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
