i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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