why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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