Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She's the barista slut.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
