That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
