Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
