I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
