I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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