Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
