Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
