that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
