Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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