Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
