he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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