She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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