So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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