i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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