So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
