All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
