shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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