; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ketchup is God's man juice
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
