he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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