How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
