Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
