The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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