Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
