her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
