It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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