I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
